Tis Pity She’s a Whore? – Consensual Sluts & Words

About a month ago I read an article by Cara Sutra entitled “The Consensual Slut Project: Why I am proud to be a slut” and it reminded me of something I wrote a few years back which was similar in tone. After a bit of a search I found it and I’m posting now to add my support to the Consensual Slut Project.

I always say to my children that “there are no bad words only bad intent” and this is something that I believe wholeheartedly. A word is just a word, it’s a collection of organised letters that harms no one (even the most “vulgar”) but how a person uses the word can. Conversely a word doesn’t have to mean what the dictionary defines it as since words find use in different ways by different people – what’s important isn’t the word but the intent of the person using it.

With that in mind here is that old post:

Tis Pity She’s a Whore?

Personally I love the word “Whore”. Maybe it’s something to do with my love of history or fantasy where it’s far more prevalent than alternatives such as “slut” or perhaps it’s just because it sounds less harsh to my ear or that it rolls off my tongue better. In any case I love it so much that I use it fondly as a term of endearment when a person is on a certain plane of sexual existence and acceptance. By which I mean my other half is a whore because she is in touch with all of her sexual needs and makes no apologies for knowing what she wants and having it. She is also my whore (said as fondly as saying she is my fiancee or my sub).

I know that there will be a fair few women out there that will read that and have a sudden urge to demand my balls on a plate. Telling me that it’s a derogatory term and I am belittling any woman when I refer to them as a whore. I understand that ladies have it worse than guys in this regard, I wish that neither of us had it at all but I know women have it worse. In fact for guys when it comes to sexual related name calling the worst one we get is to be called “gay”. We could be called “gigolos” but that would only be bad because it sounds like some sort of circus act or is an indirect reference to a shitty Rob Schneider movie.

Society has come a long way since those words first found use and attitudes and opinions have progressed yet when it comes to sex we’re still a long way off of not fearing the implications of them. A lot of women fear being labelled a whore, or slut or whatever and the reputation that comes with those words because society still frowns upon them being sexually available, open minded and just down right enjoying something that is completely natural. Guys to some degree have the reverse issue. Society believes that he will stick his dick in anything that moves but that in doing so he is acting like a normal sexually awakened male. Leading to the idea that guys think with their dicks and that they can’t be trusted to keep it in check when it SHOULD be (i.e you’re in a monogamous relationship)

A quick search through Google for “average number of partners” returned a survey on the NHS of 14,000 people aged 16-69 finding that the average number of sexual partners a man had in his lifetime was 9 and for women it was 4. 15% of the “young women” had had sex with 2-4 different partners in that year. So then, how many notches on your bedpost is too many? How many people must you have slept with in order to become undesirable or would make you fear being called a whore? 2? 20? 200? There is no real answer. No one wakes up one day and thinks to themselves “10 is the correct number of people that I should sleep with in my lifetime”. They do wake up and think “Holy shit if anyone finds out I was wrapped up air tight with three guys last night they are gonna think I’m a total slut! NO ONE CAN KNOW!!!”

That’s the real problem surely? So much concern about what other people think or what society deems as appropriate. Years ago when my other half and myself were getting to know each other she asked me how many people I had slept with and my answer was “more than my fair share”. I’ll be honest I didn’t want to say at the time “to be honest I have no fucking idea, I lost count and sometimes I was so drunk I didn’t even know I had”. She got the meaning of “more than my fair share” and practically said “plenty of experience then” and though I knew I was experienced her saying it the way she did broke down any wall of misgivings I had about that experience.

Sex is an awesome natural part of life, it feels good, it smells good, it’s a healthy, fun activity and almost everyone does it and yet few want to talk about it openly. It’s still seen as something that must be hidden from the world and they mustn’t know that we enjoy doggy-style every now and again! It’s these people that are holding sexuality in society back not those who are going out adding notches to their bed posts and enjoying themselves. The people who go out and fuck whoever they want with no care for hygiene, protection or whether or not they or the person they are fucking has a partner are the ones who are worthy of being shunned. The ones who go out and fuck however many people they want but always keep hygiene, protection and not hurting anyone in mind should be given a standing ovation.

In my eyes these people are how I see whores and I mean that with a fondness in my heart. They are the people capable of helping change the way society as a whole views sex, leading to a more open dialogue and less of the bullshit. To show that it is perfectly natural, healthy and fun and that there’s nothing to be scared of. I don’t pity the whores.

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One thought on “Tis Pity She’s a Whore? – Consensual Sluts & Words”

  1. Cara Sutra says:

    Interesting post! Thanks for the namecheck. Yes it’s a shame that people use the term ‘gay’ as an insult, whether because they believe homosexuality to be something shameful or because they’re using it in place of the word ‘crap’ or ‘rubbish’.
    I also wrote about slut-shaming sex workers by the derogatory use of the word whore, which is relevant here: http://carasutra.co.uk/2014/04/stop-slut-shaming-whores-prostitution-might-be-legal-but-should-be-safe-and-shame-free/
    Hope you enjoy that one.
    Great post and thanks again
    xx

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