Kinkly Sex Blogging Supervillains 2015

Superheroes? Let me tell you about superheroes.

Superheroes are are sheep, they are weak. They are weak sheep that cower and bahhhhh like the weakly, sheeply cowerers they are. Yes I know that rhymes and you may congratulate me on my ability to make up words better than a Loreal marketing assistant later. Right now you should be paying attention to me – The all powerful, masturbater of the universe, wielder of golden choked chicken and the slayer of countless sperm!

Superheroes are reactive have you noticed that dear people? All they ever do is react. The see injustice, they react. They see people crying out for help, they react. They read the latest article about “how to be better in bed” in the gospel according to Cosmo and by god do they react! And the people, that’s you – yes YOU, pour love and adulation on them as if their goody two shoes lives were so unfulfilled and for what? So that they can keep you safe? so that they can protect you from the horrors of the almighty Cosmo(s) and hand you advice over your sexual lives?

You think you will find your freedom in them but you won’t, superheroes aren’t free. They are slaves. Freedom only comes from being the villain. Right now you think I am mad but in time you will see that I’m not…well perhaps a little but that is beside the point. Superheroes react, Villains act. Villains want to do something, they go do it. Villains want to acquire something – they acquire it. Should I wish to force my knowledge and opinion upon you I shall and maybe, just maybe a superhero who is lounging about at Kinkly HQ waiting for something to happen may attempt to save you.

What is the point of all of this you ask? Oh you didn’t ask? Well let me tell you anyway because I’m going to and I want to and since I am The all powerful, masturbater of the universe, wielder of golden choked chicken and the slayer of countless sperm you can’t stop me. Only one of your elected superheroes can..but which one? Well that’s for you to decide.

But anyway, to my point. I did have one and just as soon as my minions return with what that point was I shall tell you what it was because I have minions and superheroes don’t have minions. They have sidekicks which by the way have you ever noticed that superheroes with sidekicks are all grown men/women but always have children play dress up for them? Am I – The all powerful, masturbater of the universe, wielder of golden choked chicken and the slayer of countless sperm! the only one that see’s this as suspect? Yes? Well that is why YOU, the people vote for these so called superheroes. You are as blind as each other to the truth as I see it. Yes…indeed you are.

My minions still haven’t returned with the point I was making and to be honest I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s so hard to find good help these days. Not once, but twice did my legion of computer analysts predict the outcome of the Kinkly HQ’s search for the top sex blogging superheroes and on both occasions I didn’t win. Both times I flogged them for their impudence and their inability to analyse correctly, help, these days etc etc.

Anyway my time is precious and minions still haven’t arrived with my point so I leave you with this warning people. Without a villain a superhero has no purpose, without something to react to they have nothing to do and when a superhero has nothing to do and they are sitting there in the comfort of their Kinkly HQ, they may start reading Cosmo. And when that day comes you will see I was right and that The all powerful, masturbater of the universe, wielder of golden choked chicken and the slayer of countless sperm! was still probably who you wouldn’t have voted for.

But that’s ok. I will happily be sat in my tower plotting my revenge on you all. You will rue the day you crossed The all powerful, masturbater of the universe, wielder of golden choked chicken and the slayer of countless sperm! Rue it with the most rue that ever was.

Rue.

Really Rue.

Alot.

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