Fetish Friday – How I find my Dominant Headspace

Just_Indecerous does #FetishFriday by CaraSutra
Just_Indecerous does #FetishFriday by CaraSutra

I had an idea for a post or video a while ago about how I get into a Dominant headspace but couldn’t really think of where to put it. Should I hold on to it for later? throw it into the commissioned article pile? Do a video on it?. Then I came across the seriously under-utilised meme in the sexbloggersphere created by Cara Sutra – Fetish Friday. Perfect fit!

Dominant Headspace You Say?

Let’s start off by what I mean by Dominant headspace. Basically all the means is getting myself into the right frame of mind for my Dominant role, getting in the zone as it were or my particular favourite – getting into “Dom Mode”. But surely you identify as a Dom and therefore you are Dom all the time?  I hear you cry. Well yes I identify as a Dom and therefore am a Dom all the time but what I am talking about is where you go within yourself when you have a willing sub, that role or persona that you take on or let out.

I can’t be that all of the time and I don’t believe that there are many who actually can or who would even want to. A Dominant headspace is very intense, the amount of concentration required alone can be draining but also consider the responsibility for yourself and your submissive, the care, attention to detail, being mindful of safety at all times. The amount of emotional, physical, mental and for some spiritual energy required to to perform the Dominant role can be exhausting. Getting into the headspace that allows you to do all of that is key to a great scene with whoever you are playing with.

I’ve had a number of occasions over the years where I just wasn’t in that headspace when I played and no matter how much I or my submissive was enjoying it there was something missing. Outwardly it may not have seemed there was something wrong but inwardly I just wasn’t feeling it for any number of reasons. That could be the reactions of the sub at the time, I had a really crap day at work and couldn’t relax or something mundane just playing on my mind that prevented me from being able to enter Dom Mode fully. You will have noticed it too and if you haven’t at some point you will, it happens to all of us.

Every person has their own way of getting into a Dominant headspace and for me personally there are a number of things that can switch me on to Dom Mode. A certain look from a submissive, listening to Neurosis’ Through Silver In Blood which often puts me into my most sadistic mindset or a ritual that I like to perform before each scene.

The Ritual (Minus the virgin sacrifices and naked dancing)

I will send the submissive to whichever room the ritual is to take place and she adopts a kneeling position, legs open with palms on facing up resting on her knees. I will enter the room several minutes later and stand in front of her. I will tell her to lift her right hand to me, keeping it palm up and I will kiss her wrist before placing a cuff on it before telling her to place it back on her knee and repeating the process with her left wrist. I will then tell her to adopt a lying position, hands interlaced behind her head with her legs spread and then to lift her right leg, her ankle is kissed and the cuff is placed on and repeated for the left.

From here she will take a standing position, arms behind her back, legs spread and facing down. I kiss her neck before placing on her collar. I will have her chance position slightly so that she is facing forward and her fingers are interlaced behind her neck, ready for inspection. I then will pass around her 3 times, stroking her skin. Finally she will adopt the kneeling position again before putting her face to the floor, arms stretched out forward, right hand on top of left. If the submissive is an anal player I will run a butt plug along her spine to her rear and insert the plug. If not I will just trace my fingers down their spine and give a playful spank. After this I will have the submissive return to the kneeling position but this time the legs are closed. I will then take her right hand and help her stand and the ritual is complete.

And Finally…

It may not seem like much to you or for others it may not be enough but it is one of the things that works for me. If you are finding it hard to switch on that Dom Mode then I encourage you to explore different ways of finding that headspace and you will find some things that work better for you than others. It’s like much of BDSM – it’s a unique experience to you as an individual. Take the things that work and get rid of the pieces that don’t.

Feel free to let me know what your methods are for getting yourself into a Dominant headspace I would be very interested to hear your experiences with it.




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